I don’t know about you… but I really dig solitude sometimes. I get a lot of peace from sitting quietly in my own thoughts, whether it’s by myself with no one around, or somewhere I’m able to people watch, and just be in the current moment. I happen to be in the best place for that very activity right now. Europe in general, but these small towns in Italy are perfect for this. My daily experiences are something I will always treasure, and they are things that feel so much like home to me. From the smells, to the sounds and sights… Really, this is a place where all 5 senses are stimulated. There is no description for the smell of the fires here, or an old wood oven, or the sounds of the chickens and birds in an otherwise, silent atmosphere, or watching people interact and play cards at the bar or shop at the mercato. These are things that you have to be here to experience because not even a photo or video can truly do it justice. So I take the time to sit back and capture these memories in my mind, because they’re some of the things I miss most about Italy when I’m back home.
So as I sit outside a bar now, watching people pass me by, as this amazing mother/daughter trip comes to an end, I’m able to reflect on the past year I’ve had but more about how I’m looking forward to all that’s to come. We all have our challenges.. 2016 was challenging for me and surprisingly not because of my health. Thank God my health is doing so well right now… remission year 4. But life is challenging in many other ways… it’s emotional, it’s frustrating, relationships & dynamics, although awesome, are exhausting and take a lot out of you. You give a lot, but if you don’t ever accept and take, you’ll give until you can’t give anymore. Those relationships are hard to figure out, because how do you know when you’re giving too much… how do you know when to stop giving, because you’re getting totally used up. Between friends, my therapist, and my own knowledge, the consensus is that relationships are so complex, but it’s not limited to romantic relationships. It also encompasses friendships, acquaintances, & family dynamics. Life is complex, it’s not this fleeting idea that people say it is.. you can’t just live freely… everything has a cost and everyone has a motive. It’s not necessarily based out of greed or spite, we just all have reasons, or motives- for why we do what we do.
Human dynamics and behavior captivate me. Do you ever wonder, what compels us as a people to do things we ourselves are not proud of? For example, we know something is wrong, and yet we do it anyways. The freedom of human choice is as powerful as anything, especially when we KNOW going into the decision, what’s good and bad about it. And maybe we would be ashamed if people knew our decision or what we planned to do, but it doesn’t change the fact that we still do it. At the end of the day, you can take other people’s opinions into consideration, but 99% you’ll always do what you want to do, even if it isn’t necessarily the coolest thing to do.
So yeah. These are the things I think about while sitting outside a bar, or on a wall somewhere…. being present in the moment, but really opening my mind and heart to so many thoughts that are running through me. If we’re open to it, we’ll never stop learning in life. Sometimes you have to throw away what you think you know and be open to the possibilities that life has to offer… And right now, that possibility is another gelato. 🙂